Well, I have been SO late in my nine month update. I will actually post the weight I was on the 5th of the month since that is the date I go by for my monthly weigh ins… But let me assure you that not much has changed. I mean, it has dropped a little… but I am going much, much slower than I used to go. I have to say, this is the first month that I have actually had to stop and reassess what I am putting in my mouth. Don’t get me wrong, I have not fallen off the wagon or anything. I am still a firm believer that some foods will just never cross my lips again. I just cannot go there. Goldfish and Cheeze-Its are never more my friend! I have been allowing a few more carbs here and there… but I have decided to pull back on those as well. It seems that my body wants to fall into maintenance. I have been flirting around with the same three pounds up and down since the first of the month. That scares the crap out of me because I am NOT done yet. So this past Saturday… I got back to basics and really watched my lazy habits. My saving grace is that I still do not get hungry nor do I eat much when I do eat. I suppose that is the great news. Even so… fat chicks aren’t fat chicks by accident. I ate the hell out of some food. I LOVED IT! I mean sure… sometimes it would be totally miserable after eating a huge meal… but it felt so glorious. It made me happy. Or at least I thought it did.
I am going to say something that may offend some people. I certainly hope it doesn’t. It is not my desire to hurt anyone. I watched a YouTube video the other day. It was by a girl who had been large most all her life and then had a vertical sleeve. She had since lost about 170 or so pounds. She said… When you are fat and you have been fat for most of your life, you really do not know who you are. Now, some people may say, “Oh, I know who I am. I am secure in the person that I am!” But really… if you have never been thin or a “normal” weight… you really do not know who you are or what you really like. You become a product of what society forces you to become OR you become a product of what your weight forces you to become. Let me explain. I have never been one to ride a bike. I have had one; however, I got rid of it because riding bikes isn’t all that fun, it makes your ass hurt, and there aren’t any good places to ride anyway. Well, that was me talking at 300 pounds. Who the heck wants to balance their big roast of a butt up on a tiny seat and then pedal around town… balancing on two tires?!? Sweating like a moose? NOT ME. But check me out now… almost 130 pound lighter. I love riding bikes. We are going to Pensacola Beach for a week next month (camping no less) and I told my husband we needed to take the bikes so we could ride into town rather than drive. I have probably always loved bike riding… but my weight made me think it sucked! Take clothes for example. I have always hated shopping. When wearing a 20 or a 24 you do not have many cute, fashionable choices… and if there is one, it is WAY to expensive or cut from a table cloth. So, I am conditioned to think that I don’t care about being fashion trendy and that I dislike shopping. That’s not true. I love shopping! I love looking cute. But that’s only since I have lost weight and discovered I have options. Like my friend Janell… she does yoga these days. She is a BOSS at yoga. But that’s only since she has discovered herself… under the layers. I say all of this because losing weight is MORE about gaining yourself… your REAL self, than it is about the weight. When you are big you are not able to be the REAL you. You accept things or reject things based completely off your weight. You may not know this about you now…. but you will discover it. Some people accept crazy, messed up relationships because they think that is all they deserve. They may not say that out loud… but it is there. I was there.
Well friends… I hope I didn’t ramble on too much. Maybe some of it made sense. Just stay focused. Keep your eyes on your goal. Your goal is NOT the number on the scale. It is discovering the amazing and beautiful YOU that God created you to be. Work towards finding THAT person… not just moving the needle down the number line. Choose JOY! I can’t tell you how transformative this journey has been for me… I am so thankful for each and every day!
Here are those stats you’ve been waiting for!!!!
- Starting weight May 5, 2015: 300
- May 18, 2015: 270 (-30)
- Month ONE – June 5, 2015: 260 (-40)
- Month TWO – July 8, 2015: 239 (-61)
- Month THREE – August 5, 2015: 225 (-75)
- Month FOUR – September 5, 2015 210 (-90)
- Month FIVE – October 5, 2015 199 (-101)
- Month SIX – November 5, 2015 188 (-112)
- Month SEVEN – December 5, 2015 178 (-122)
- Month EIGHT – January 6, 2016 174 (-126)
- Month NINE – February 5, 2016 170 (-130)
Hopefully, it will keep moving in the right direction. I am ok with moving slowly… as long as I keep moving!
Love you all!